Urban Eds
by Yunaman
Summary: Eddy finds out that Nazz works at the glory holes of a night club in the city. After telling Double Dee and Edd they decide to go 'pay her a visit'.


Urban Eds

It was 8 pm in the big city. Cars zooming around, neon signs lighting the priestesses of the road called prostitutes and people walking around calmly as thought it wasn't dark yet. Among the dehumanized crouds were Ed Edd n Eddy. Ed was wearing a grey version of his normal clothes with purple on the inside, blue and white stripped sailor shirt, baggy red pants, boots, a key chain around his neck with a giant dollar sign made out of pure cobalt, hat turned sidewys and goth make-up.

Next to him was Double Dee. He was wearing a red shirt that said ''I love Hawking'' over a long sleeved grey sweater, a blue hipster scarf, a white version of his usual hat that was ever present on his head,  
>big yellow and cyan headphones upside down, baggy pants like Ed and sandals with no socks.<p>

Eddy on the other hand looked like a smooth pimp daddy with all the regalia they usually wear. Pink shirt, pink pimp hat, 2-3 gold rings on each finger (faje of course, because he's a cheapskate like ever), pink pants and purple shoes which looked like a hybrid between high heels and boots. He also had a leopard skin on his back, gold and diamonds on his teeth, golden necklace covered in faux snake skin (pret-a-porter of course, he's not made of money) and was carrying a pimp cane with a thretaning brass and marble aligator on it.

So the three were walking around on the street among the numerous beggers and stray dogs that were on every corner on this side of town. Life was miserable for many people, but this was the harshness of life in the city.

''Will you please spare some change, good sir?'' a poor old begger asked.

''Sure, no prob.'' Eddy said and took out a coin and threw it into the man's hat.

''Thnks you!'' The old man said and bit the coin to check if it was real. The coin immediately shattered in his mouth and release deadly neurotoxin which paralyzed him as Eddy started kicking him in the crotch,  
>until he died. Eddy then stole all 3 dollars and 78 cents from his hat and left saying ''What a sap!''<p>

Double dee didn't seems to mind, Eddy beating up a begger, since they were teenagers and they had been friends for so long that Double Dee stopped carring about Eddy's bullshit.

''Hey, guys!'' Eddy said.

''Yeah!'' Double Dee answered while Ed looked at Eddy with much curiosity.

''I heard Nazz is a whore.''

''What else is new?'' Double dee said in a cynical and sarcastic manor.

''Nah, I don't mean she's just a whore. She's a super whore. She likes sucking dick so much, she works at the glory holes in the ''Bitches and Palms'' night club for free. She's such a whore. She sucks dicks all night until she passes out. What a whore!''

''Nazz sure likes carrots, huh Eddy.'' Ed said in his typical retard way.

''You said it, Edd.'' Eddy replied.

''Now why are you telling us this, Eddy?'' Double Dee asked. His face was full of apathy.

''Well, I think we should give Nazz a visit. Waddya say?''

''I don't think so, Eddy.''

''I wanna fuck, Nazz.'' Ed said.

''So, it's settled.''

Ed grabbed Double Dee and started to drag him over the pavement.

''Don't I have a saying in this? I don't care even if Nazz sucks 60 dicks.''

''No you don't, sock head.'' Eddy snickered.

30 MINUTES LATER

The Eds arrived infront of ''Bitches and Palms''. Huge neon signs blinked in green and pink the name of the place along with an image of a named women, a few palm trees and a martini glass. The queue was enourmous. Probably 300 people wanted to get in. Near the door the Bouncer was harassing both men and women alike wanting to enter the club. The bouncer was Johnny 2 by 4. He had gained over 180 lbs. of muscle mass and was wearing a very streched out white shirt and blue pants. Next to him was plank.  
>He was poorly taped to a huge log as if he too like Johnny had gained muscle mass. Eddy walked up to Johnny and said:<p>

''Hey, Johnny my boy, how's everything?'' He then tried to enter but johnny extended his arm and stopped him.

''What the hell?''

''I can't let you enter, guys! You're not cool enough to enter.''

''Then, what can we do to become cool enough.'' Eddy said while pulling out a stack of counterfeit money from his pocket.

''That won't help you, Eddy. But I know what will? A blowjob.'' Johnny said slowly with a deep voice.

''A what?'' Eddy gulped.

''You heard me. A blowjob.''

''Get to work, sockhead!'' Eddy ordered.

''I didn't mean Double Dee, Eddy.''

''Ed?'' Eddy asked.

Johnny didn't change his expression, but it spelled Eddy. Johhny then grabbed Eddy and placed him face to face with his crotch. Johhny then removed his pants revealing a dick almost as big as Plank without the huge log taped to him. Eddy tensed his mouth in preparation for what was about to come. Johnny then forced Eddy on his dick. The nearby girls laughed as Eddy took the etire pole down his greedy maw.

Johhny kept forcing Eddy on his dick with all of his trenght, nearly impaling his on his huge manhood in the process. Ed and Edd looked in horror as they watched the hulking colossis use Eddy as a blow-up sex doll, except that Eddy was very much alive, unlike the mentioned sex dolls.

Just as Johhny was about to cum, Eddy snapped his fingers and this made Ed grab plank and shove him down Johnny's ass. He jumped and this gave Eddy enough time to stop sucking his dick and to grab his pocket swiss knife. He then stabbed Johnny and cut his Vagus nerve. Johnny collapsed on the ground.

''GG, Johnny!'' Eddy said and entered the club like a boss along with Ed and Edd.

The club smelled like semen, vomit and alcohol and was full of cigarette smoke. Bright disco light illuminated all at irregular intervals. In the middle of the dance floor Kevin was fucking two super models and snorting crack.

The Eds approached the bar counter. The bartender was Marie Kanker. Like always her blue hair covered one of her eyes, but this time there was a reason. After a recent fight with a gang of lesbian biker,  
>Marie had lost one of her eyes and she wore an eyepatch. That's what her hair concealled from the world.<br>Everyone knew anyway. Marie was wearing a latex sweat shirt, baggy green pants and high heels one of them yellow, the other one pink.

''Hey, boys!'' Marie said while cleaning a glass she had just cleaned.

''Sup, Marie!'' The Eds said.

After her two sisters died in a traggic accident. They were run over by their own trailer, when it gained sentience thanks to a mandatory chip that the state required to be installed in every trailer to monitor them. Marie only survived because she was in the cul-de-sac trying to rape Double Dee. After the incident,  
>she was left a distraught piece of trailer trash. She lost all interest in sex and as a result stopped stalking Edd.<br>She decided to settle down and become a bartender in the city, far from the trailer park, where the incident happened,  
>in order to forget it.<p>

''So what'll it be, boys?'' Marie said while smiling.

''Eggs!'' Ed yelled louder then the music blasting at 150 dB from the stereo system.

''I'll have some mineral water, please.'' Double Dee said in a polite matter.

''Always on the safe side, huh sockhead. Grow some fucking balls, Double Dee! I want a Blue Cauchemar.'' Eddy said.

''You sure, Eddy? That drink is a little strong. Even for people like, Johnny.'' Marie said concerned.

''Just make the drink!''

''If you say so.''

With that Marie started making the drinks. For Ed she simply cracked open a few eggs and put them in a glass, for Double Dee she poured some mineral water in a cup. She then started to make the Blue Cauchemar.  
>Marie mixed vodka, jin, Budweiser, processed cocaine, hallucionegen mushrooms, bleach, hydrogen peroxide,<br>a tullip, strawberries, chunks of horse meat, anti-freeze, sugar and volcanic dust. She then mixed all of it until it became blue glowing liquid. She then poured some of it in a martini glass, put some ice and a little umbrella while dissolved in the liquid. She then surved the drinks to the Eds.

''Enjoy!'' She said.

Ed drank all the eggs in one gulp, while Double Dee took a small sip. Eddy on the other hand drank all of the blue Cauchemar slowly and then sat on anearby. For a while he stood there, until he collapsed on the floor, mouth all foamy and started to convulse, his body somehow moving to the beat of music.

''I told him, it's too strong.'' Marie said.

Eddy then stood up and after coughing up some blood and chunks of his own liver and said:''Ahhh! Good stuff!''

''You okay, Eddy.'' Double Dee asked.

''Yep, I'm fine. Now, Marie, tell me is it true that Nazz sucks dicks in the bathrooms here?'' Eddy asked,  
>still a little dizzy from the drink. He was somewhat hard to understand.<p>

''What my friend and associate means is whether Nazz works at this establishment's Glory Holes.'' Double Dee explained.

''Yeah she does. Performs blowjobs every day. Even I think she's a whore.''

''I told you, it's true!'' Eddy said.

''You guys aren't thinking of ''using her services'', are you? Because if you are, be carefull. People have been known to get venerical diseases from just being around her.''

''Thanks for the tip, Marie!'' Edd said, just a Eddy finally started to feel good.

Eddy and the rest proceeded to the bathroom. Entering the male bathroom they entered a single stall, next to the stall where Rolf was fucking Victor. Eddy closed the door and said loudly,  
>while lauging hysterically:<p>

''How's Victor's ass, Rolf?''

''Fine like Nana's glove after whale blubber massage!''

''Whatever.'' Double Dee said.

Inside the stall there was a hole in the wall that separated the mens' and ladies' rooms. The hole seemed big enough for a human penis. The hole's edged were stained with semen, sweat and saliva. A sign pointed to the hole with text written with a read marker which read: ''Put cock in here! Nazz the whore will take care of you!''

''What are you waiting for, sockhead!''

''Me? You wanted to come here in the first place.''

''Just do it!'' Eddy said.

Double Dee unzipped his pants and put his flaccid member into the hole. And sure enough, someone started to suck his dick. It was Nazz. Like a complete whore she was dressed only in mini-skirt, no panties and a mangled mettalic bra. There was still vomit, smegma and crusty semen in her mouth from last night's dick sucking, which lubricated Double Dee's dick.

''You like Double Dee dick, Nazz?'' Eddy asked rhetorically.

Nazz just slurped and moaned as she engulfed Edd's penis. They could tell it was her by the moans.

''See, I told you guys. It's her.'' Eddy said with an arrogant smirk.

Nazz kept sucking Double Dee's dick like the filthy whore that she was. There was no stopping her.  
>Her record was sucking 209 dicks in a single night and she didn't look like she wanted to beat her record tonight. That's why she sucked slowly, giving Double Dee near ultimate blowing pleasure.<p>

But at that moment, just as Double Dee was going to cum in her mouth, filling it with seed for the 16th time this week, Nazz bit off Double Dee's dick. Blood and cum spilled everywhere, whiel Doucble Dee screamed like a little girl. Ed Eddy panicked.

''Nazz you bitch, why did you do that?'' Eddy yelled at her, but she only answered with a laugh.

Ed took out a battle axe and destroyed the wall with his ridiculous strenght while chanting nonsense from his comicbook. He then sliced perfectly Nazz in half, while she was sucking on double dee's severed cock. He then took Edd's dick stuck it with duck tape on him.

''I don't think this will haelp, Ed.'' Double Dee said, covered in cum and blood, his eyes all teary.

Suddenly they heard small beeping noise. It was coming from Nazz's corpse. It was her pacemaker. Being sliced in half it started to malfunction. The pacemajer then proceeded to explode killing everyone not only in the club, but in the entire city. After the explosion only dust and eyeballs were left. Interestingly all left from Nazz's pacemaker was a small recording and communication device. A voice could be heard from the device that said:

''Excellent! Zion has been destroyed. I knew agent Nazz would make a good spy.''

FIN


End file.
